What does it mean to gentle parent ourselves?

As you read this story you might ask yourself what does this have to do with the question: What does it mean to gentle parent ourselves? but I promise it does! Yesterday, I dropped everything to drive to Sequoia. I did it because I had been influenced by a reel. A absolutely stunning reel where a travel influencer shared that the lupines were blooming in Sequoia National Park. You can watch it here. Lupines are a short lived flower, and I’m going out of the state for work tomorrow. I thought I could take a day trip and it would be nice and easy, and maybe it could have been! But it really really wasn’t.

It started yesterday (Wednesday) when I didn’t get on the road as early as I would have liked. I had planned on leaving around 9 – hiking during golden hour – and driving home that evening. Yes it would be a long day, but I had a styled shoot back in Chino hills today (Thursday). But then I had the absolute privilege of doing my actual job – you know the one that pays the bills? I had received multiple messages for booking fall photo sessions. And they had questions! So I spent my morning chatting with potential clients and sending contracts and invoices. That meant I wasn’t able to leave til closer to 11 am. Okay, no big deal – I’ll still get to Congress trail by 5pm and sunset isn’t til 8pm! I decided to see if there was a campground just in case. I was in luck and there was one last campground! It was meant to be! So I snagged it and started the journey. About two hours into the drive I was bleeding down my leg. The curse of insulin resistant PCOS is that I do not know when I’m going to start my period and I don’t know how heavy the flow will be. So I had to stop at the store to 1) clean up and 2) get supplies.

So now we’ve barely started the journey and we already have two strikes –

Strike 1 – leaving late.

Strike 2 – having to stop.

But it’s not a big deal – I’ll still reach Congress trail by 5:30pm! It’s about a 3 mile loop and it’s entirely paved – that should be plenty of time! Fast forward one more hour and my car starts to shake – I assume it’s the very bumpy road. A few minutes later the check engine light comes on. At this point I’m right outside Bakersfield. So I google maps to an autozone to pull the code. My spark plugs were pulling a code and the ignition coil is causing a cylinder 4 misfire. If you’re as informed about internal combustion engines as I was yesterday that might not mean anything to you. But I wasn’t about to drive sequoias windy roads with a problem so to google I went! It turns out that engine misfires cause damage to the catalytic converter. So now it is 3:55 and I’m calling every mechanic in the area desperate someone can see me that day. And most mechanics close at 5. Thankfully Magic Auto Repair (yes by magic they were available and their name is magic) was able to get me in that day. I was fully prepared to be taken advantage of and I was just going to suck it up. But they took great care of my car and charged reasonable and I left only spending $140 for an oil change and the spark plugs to be replaced. *I did provide them the parts for the spark plugs*

This is strike 3, 4, and 5…

 

Now it’s 5:15 and I am 2.5 hours away still. I could get to the campground before sunset but I definitely couldn’t hike congress trail. At this moment I have to decide to go up and still try waking up for a sunrise hike or do I go home? Enter in the gentle parenting of myself.

I said to myself “Hey, it’s okay to be upset right now, and it’s okay if you want to go home. But you were excited about this. Should we finish the trip and keep trying?”

It felt nice to be talking to myself the way I would talk to someone I love. And I liked how it felt to be able to assess that the situation was hard and things had gone wrong, but that didn’t mean abandon everything right?

I decided to keep trying. Which spoiler alert may not have been the right choice.

On the 99 north a semi truck blew a tire and blocked the road. Okay, writing this all out I was clearly ignoring signs from the universe 😅. So I got to the campground at 8:45 – well past sunset and only 15 minutes before the store closed. I got my essentials and went to set up camp (in the dark).

I slept so well and woke up at 5:00ish – the sun was streaming through the windows and I just cuddled into the blankets and read for a bit. Excellent way to wake up 10/10 would recommend.

Then I went to unlock my car – the button didn’t work. No buttons worked. The car wouldn’t turn on. This a re-enaction of my thought process. That’s okay I can unlock manually and get the jumper outta my trunk. Except the trunk is locked. And my trunk doesn’t have a key hole. Okay no big deal I can use the inside pully thing. Except that needs electricity to work. Okay, no big deal my seats fold down and I can just crawl into my trunk. As I’m trying to figure out releasing my seats I pull a loop that actually opens the trunk! Yay!

So I grab my portable jumper – and if you don’t have one of these stop what you’re doing immediately and buy it. Literally do it right now! Being raised by preppers does have some advantages – for one I’ll never be caught stranded due to something preventable.

It’s now been 19 hours since I started this “day” trip… But finally FINALLY I’m heading towards congress trail to see the lupines. And at first there aren’t any – for over a mile and a half I think I’ve fallen prey to an internet mistruth. But then there they are once you’re close to the house and senate groups. And they blanket the forest floor. I wish that photos did them any sort of justice. They don’t, but of course I took them anyways…

Coming home the traffic was terrible, and I’m driving to Arizona tomorrow, and my legs are killing me from what ended up being a 4 mile hike. But was it worth it? Was the freedom to drop everything to go appreciated? Was the kindness I showed myself when I stopped to ask What does it mean to gentle parent ourselves? impactful? Would I do the same thing again? I think the answer to all of those questions is yes. I think what matters is pivoting when things are hard. I think what matters is finding joy when it feels like everything might be conspiring against you.

I’m too tired to drop professional photos right now, but I hope you enjoy these iphone ones until I get the others edited!